Your Ancestry: Do You Really Want to Know?
Where Do I Come From?
It is the question that humans have been asking since the beginning of time.
While the jury may still be out on that exact answer from a creator perspective (or maybe not depending on your viewpoint), whether it be God, evolution, or some combination of the two, more immediate answers as to our family lineage do become increasingly important as we grow older, especially if there are glaring gaps in our genealogical knowledge.
Ages ago (ok maybe not that long ago), the information that you knew about yourself, your family, and your heritage came directly from those who were involved in your development. Family stories, religions, and history were told to you and like most people, you probably simply accepted those statements at face value and they became a part of who you are.
In recent years though, we have been able to find more definite scientific answers to many of those “Who am I?” questions with DNA tests and online ancestry research via sites like www.ancestry.com , www.23andme.com, and many others.
For typically less than $100, you can find out your personal, ethnic DNA cocktail spelled out into easy to digest percentages. While absolutely a great tool for those curious first time genealogists, the average person should prepare themselves for surprises and possibly some explosive backlash from their family.
Trust me…I speak from experience.
Don’t Roll Solo, Ask Family First
Before you buy one of these DNA tests or start researching online, do me and you a favor and check with your immediate family first or at the very least, tip them off as to what you are about to do. There are countless news stories about these DNA test results/searches causing rifts and conflicts within otherwise seemingly happy families. Here is one example:
While you may not anticipate any skeletons in your family closet, you’ll want to at least give fair warning before you do the test.
When I first met my wife about six years ago, she and her family were very proud of their 50% Native American heritage. They are descendants of the Ojibwe tribe from Canada. Me, having used ancestry.com off and on over the years for my own family, and being a history loving nerd, I became interested in learning more about her family’s Native American past.
The story had all of the markings of containing tales both fascinating and exotic and my imagination began running wild. Their family had a pretty compelling narrative and readily offered up facts about how that heritage came to be from prior generation’s passed down stories.
I decided to surprise my wife for Christmas one year and I got her a DNA test. We were hoping not only to confirm the Native American heritage but also to find on ancestry.com who else she might be related to based on her results (an added feature allows you to link your DNA to a family tree and see who else in their database matches up).
The process was ridiculously easy. We completed the test as soon as it arrived at our house (by test we mean awkwardly filling a large vial with your saliva), sent it back to them, and then waited the 3-4 weeks for the results. After she had taken the test, we casually mentioned to her parents that she had done so and, fortunately for us, their response was both positive and supportive.
The weeks went by slowly with each of us checking our email inbox and junk mail box every couple of hours it seemed. We really didn’t expect any surprises; the feeling was more of nervous anticipation centered mostly on how much Native American ancestry would be revealed.
Finally, we got the notification that her results were ready. We opened it together and drum roll please…………she was exactly 0% Native American. Zero!
At first we thought there must be a mistake or maybe they mixed up the samples. Her family had been mentioning their Native American heritage for the last 40 years or so.
Long story short, my wife is not Native American and the test shattered her family’s story of its own history. The Native American heritage story had been passed down verbally over generations so consistently that it had become an unquestioned fact within their family circle.
And now me, the new guy to their family, had just directly and indirectly destroyed a part of their family story (oh yeah, husband of the year here). Not the greatest introduction to the in-laws right?
This is exactly what I mean when you can really get into some very murky water with these tests.
Fortunately, my wife’s family was very supportive, understanding, and they weren’t mad at me for upending their narrative (at least not to my face). They weren’t being deceptive or hiding anything at all, they simply taught their daughters the same story that was passed along over generations to them. Her family was happy to find out the truth.
Let’s look at human nature for a second. The fact is that not all people would handle that shocking information in the same way.
Would your family have been as calm upon receiving that news? I was incredibly lucky.
Can you imagine how some of these bombshell conversation starters from other test takers might play out?
· “Hi Mom and Dad, so I found out what we have been telling people about our family for the last 50 years isn’t true at all.”
· “Dad, I did this DNA test and its saying I have a half brother that I didn’t know about, do you know ________.”
These conversations may not go well if they are delivered as complete surprises and you need to gauge your family’s reaction to things that may shock them before you head down the ancestry path.
Surprises Are Virtually Guaranteed
Prior to my wife taking the DNA test, I had spent several months on ancestry.com researching my own lineage. I was able to trace my family back multiple generations by using their technology/documents and also by asking the oldest members of my family whom they remembered and what relation they were. More or less a modern day combination of ancestry checks and balances, new school and old school unite.
I had a good indication that my ethnic cocktail, were I to take the DNA test, would contain a mixture of English, German, and Irish based on the research in my family tree. Armed with that information, I saw no reason to purchase a test and the thought of taking one never actually entered my mind.
Fast forward to last year at a family Christmas party. Our family does what is called a white elephant gift exchange, basically everyone brings goofy gift, is assigned a random number, and you pick a gift according to your number.
Anyway, I ended up with an ancestry DNA test as my random gift (easily the coolest one there). Since I thought I knew my heritage already, I almost gave it away but in the end, I was lucky to keep it.
For my test, I followed the same procedure as my wife did and sent it in for evaluation. The difference this time is that I immediately forgot about it instead of anxiously checking for the results.
The results came back somewhat predictably but strangely out of the order I would have anticipated. I was a majority English, followed by German, then French, and then Irish and Norwegian.
Wait a minute, I’m French and Norwegian? Both of those were complete curveballs and wholly unexpected. Could it be French as in France or French as in when France used to own Canada? I have no idea, but I am going to try and find out. Is there some dude in my past that hailed from Norway?
The point here being, even if you do not anticipate any surprises with your DNA test or research, there is a good chance that slices of those results will catch you off guard.
Is it Worth It?
On Black Friday in 2017, Ancestry.com sold 1.5 million DNA kits. All of these kits then and now were/are under $100 making it affordable for many to quickly solve the missing riddles in their genetic puzzle.
The financial price is honestly not the issue now for most people; it is the family price that is often most costly. These are the questions that you need to ask yourself before taking this journey:
· Do I really want to know?
· Is my family strong enough to survive potentially negative news?
· If I find out bombshell information do I keep it to myself or am I obligated to tell others?
The consequences of answering these questions yield the true price when you research your ancestry. The results are unique to you, certainly, but your research will in most cases affect others who are close to you.
Additionally, we like to assume that companies safeguard our information. Sadly, in today’s world, we know that is no longer true. With recent hacks and security lapses, (Here’s looking at you Equifax, Yahoo, and “insert most recent company here”) your personal information is not incredibly safe anywhere it seems.
So do you want your genetic information and profile to be out there in the world? That is another loaded question you must answer. We all read about the Golden State killer in California that was captured after decades on the loose using the DNA samples his relatives submitted via a commercial genealogy site.
Yes, not his DNA; he didn’t submit any at all but one of his relatives did. Not to the police but just on an ordinary ancestry research site. Police compared crime scene DNA with his relatives DNA and found a probable relationship match. Frightening.
If you and/or your family plan to commit many crimes then you definitely should not submit your DNA. **Master Millennials is anti-crime and this statement is sarcasm people**
The tests may also not be completely accurate. While the accuracy has increased over the years with advances in technology, mistakes can still be made.
This also holds true for family tree research. You can only go back so far in your research before you get into the “no one is alive I can talk to about this.” At that point you are completely at the mercy of historical documents and technology.
Mistakes do happen here. Maybe you add someone to your family tree that has no business being there. These errors can lead to unnecessary conflict and pain for families.
Ultimately, the choice is yours. Even though that choice is a personal one, always keep in mind that it may affect those near and dear to you.
Researching your ancestry can be extremely rewarding and can fill in some of the missing colors and shapes on your life’s master canvas, but it can also lead to unintended complications within your existing family relationships as well.
Do you really want to know? The answer for me was yes but carefully consider your own answer before you start.